My problem is often experienced by many women. My problem is that my husband could not get enough in sexual intercourse. I myself have had enough with just three to five times a month. While my husband always asked every day!
To avoid the occurrence of a number of issues, and for expecting the pleasure of the husband is the source of the pleasure of Allah SWT, then with a very heavy heart I will forced to do so (to serve). However, my beloved husband dislikes with such conditions, which I do jima '(be forced to) just as the biggest sacrifice that I do for the sake of survival housekeeping, also in order to save the fate of my four children.
Finally, my husband is always complaining, grumbling and berate condition. He also began to threaten to get married again with another woman. This is what makes me want to get away from my husband, with the aim of avoiding verbal acuity and reproach he made to me.
His condition now, I have reached the stage where I really expected him to marry again with another woman. The hope that the censure and hurl insults from her husband stopped me. I asked his advice for myself and for my husband. Jazakumullah khary.
* Ukhty X in Syria
Responses Dr. 'Amr Abu Khalil:
Dear Sister, whether called married life-stairs where the condition of a wife considers an attempt to fulfill a husband's sexual desire as the "ultimate sacrifice"? Household life as if when the days are full of insults and threats from the husband? The days are at the same time considers the attitude of her husband's wife as a form of humiliation?
Do not act like it's sister. Indeed this problem requires introspection together from both parties and takes time to make corrections and contemplation. The question that needs to be answered in this matter quite a lot. Know that you are complaining about something that just becomes something that is expected of other women.
There are psychological factors that cause a man to have sexual desire demands so high, while his wife has a lower sexual desire. So there is no need to compare with other people, and do not need to be no threat.
The issue of sexual desire is a private matter that is different from one person to another. There are no privileges at all the people who have sexual desire every day, compared to those who desire only appear once every week or month. Surely during sexual intercourse is still within normal limits known in the community. This difference should be a driving force couples to understand each other, and to each partner's attention to psychological conditions. This difference should be fields kindness to build consensus, harmony and closeness. Instead of a trigger hostility. This is the first point.
The second point. Although the question of sex is one of the essential elements forming the household life, but there are still many elements forming the other. For example, good relationships or assume responsibility alongside the fields are very spacious for a couple to be able to understand each other, even though one of the main parties have deficiencies in sexual problems. By paying attention to good relationships, existing shortcomings in the pair would have been welcome. That is, you must look inward first and devote all the ability for it.
Are there certain factors that hinder you to serve your husband, so you can not have sexual intercourse? Are you able to cope with these factors in part or even most of it? If you've done that, then your husband feel all the labors that you have shed, then he will definitely appreciate you. If arbitrarily efforts have been made, but still not the pleasure of your husband, then your husband actually not entitled to provide such threats (to be married again: the threat of polygamy), because actually the second marriage is not a threat, but a new responsibility.
If the husband can understand the conditions like this, then he is ready to assume its responsibilities well, where he realizes very well that from the second marriage he will not only have fun and be able to satisfy his sexual desires, but will also acquire a number of new responsibilities? Is he really ready to take on all of it without the slightest prejudice to the rights of one of his wife and also the rights of their children? If you can bear it, then put your trust in Allah without any bluster or threats.
However, you should sit down with her husband to talk openly and dialogue, so that you both are able to understand the problems that occur rationally and responsibly. Then you can explain to the husband about the picture of the life that you both live and described to her husband about the responsibilities which should be assigned. If the husband shows his inability to carry out all these responsibilities, then you have to tell your husband that you both have to try to find solutions that are right for your life together; and it is better than you have to fight, each lash, or threatening each other.
The conclusion is that the response given by either the husband or the form of threats to compare her with other women, is unacceptable. Similarly with the response given by the wife, that is by having a husband to marry lahi also unacceptable. In this case, there must be awareness and good pengembanan responsibility of both parties to produce better conditions. Dialogue and mutual understanding is the only way to get out of these problems.
May God give you the instructions and the ability to take the right decision, da n may God also help you to change your attitude and consult with your husband until you both get the right solution. Truly only God is the One who is able to give taufik.
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